The emotional and mental load with Jay ‘Ash Friendly’.

Jay AKA ‘Ash Friendly’ has been an inspiration to us at Pea HQ. Allergy Mum and Allergy Life coach and certified level 2&3 counselling skills. Jay she has shared lots of golden nuggets, to help lighten and support you with the emotional load.

Hello, I’m Jay, a trained and certified NLP Practitioner/Master Practitioner, allergy mum and public speaker. My journey has been one of unexpected turns and profound personal growth. In 2012, after a long struggle to conceive, I finally became pregnant with my first child. The day I became a new mum was a dream come true. Like many new mums, I had dreams, aspirations, and goals for the future. Little did I know that my world would take a sudden and unexpected turn.

When my son was 6.5 months old, he was diagnosed with multiple food allergies to dairy, eggs, wheat, peanuts, tree nuts, soya, sesame, and shellfish. I left the appointment feeling overwhelmed, confused, and angry.

The specialist advised, “Please avoid all of the allergens in your diet as your son is reacting to the allergens through your breast milk.”

As a new allergy mum, I did not receive any mental or emotional support from medical professionals. Eleven years ago, there was very little awareness of allergies and limited choices of foods from the free-from aisle. I found myself sitting up at 2 a.m., scrolling the internet, desperately searching for answers and cures, as this was not the life I had envisioned. People around me didn’t understand the severity of my child’s allergies, and I was judged every step of the way until I decided to take matters into my own hands.

In 2020, during lockdown, I founded Ash Friendly, dedicated to supporting allergy mums in taking back control and living more fulfilling lives while navigating life with allergies. Since then, I have worked with many allergy mums, helping them thrive despite their challenges. In 2022, I decided to enhance my skills by studying counselling, specialising in person-centred theory. I completed Level 2 and Level 3 counselling skills certifications and now incorporate these techniques into my coaching sessions and programs.

As an allergy mum my biggest worries is being able to teach my child how to navigate life with allergies safely and confidently as the grow up they become more curious about the world around them and become influenced by their support circle, being an allergy life coach I have been able to pass down tools and techniques that my son uses, At the age of 11 years old he knows how to communicate his allergies clearly and confidently as well as asking open and reflective questions.

As I continue to work with allergy families, I help them to learn and pass on these tools and techniques to their children, as I believe life is precious and we all have a duty of care towards each other.

As well as working with allergy families I also run a private Facebook Group called The Allergy Club where I support many allergy families and I run a local allergy support group.  As an Allergy Life Coach, I am dedicated to empowering other allergy mums, providing them with the tools and support they need to navigate the complexities of life with allergies. I aim to help families lead full and happy lives, turning challenges into opportunities for growth and resilience.

New to allergy diagnosis?

• When you are new to the allergy world, it can feel overwhelming and scary. It can also feel incredibly lonely, especially if you haven’t been exposed to the world of allergies before. I remember when my son was diagnosed—there was a sense of both relief and anger. I was relieved because I finally knew what I was dealing with, but I also felt anger and frustration because my GP had initially dismissed my concerns, attributing my son’s symptoms to baby eczema.
• Discovering that your child has allergies can bring a whirlwind of emotions, from anxiety to guilt. As a mum, these feelings are completely natural. However, with the right strategies, you can manage these emotions and create a safe, nurturing environment for your child.
• Recognise and accept your emotions: Without judgement. Be kind to yourself and know you are not alone on this allergy journey. Allow yourself to feel and release the emotions you are holding onto through journaling your thoughts and feelings, by journaling you’re allowing yourself to empty your mind.
• Educating yourself and others: It is important as this strategy becomes the foundation for keeping your child safe. Navigating life with allergies means reading every label every time, things can change very quickly without any warning or notice. Getting into a healthy habit of reading labels all the time can help to reduce the risk of an allergic reaction.
• Building a trusting relationship with your allergy specialist: Is key, as you both want the best for the child, asking open reflective questions can help you achieve the outcome you are looking for whilst ensuring you have a healthcare plan in place so you know what you need to do should your child has an allergic reaction, It’s important others around you also know what to do in an emergency is vital
• Whenever you leave the house make sure you have all the medication with you which will give you peace of mind. I store all of my son’s medication in a Medpac which makes carrying medicine with me easy.

Jay offers support and coaching for people managing the emotional strain that comes with being an allergy parent. If you have any specific questions for her please email us at hello@growwithiris.com and check out her website here to book a consultation.